All the talk about mojo got me thinking about the lessons we learn from the women in our lives, specifically, my mom. Ā Last year for our first 30 Women 30 Stories project, my Mom and I had a conversation around Motherās Day.
Lotās has happened since then, so I thought weād check in with my her. Ā Sheās survived a year of COVID sheltering-in-place and used that time to finish her book, āDancing in My Kitchensā ā āAdvanced Readerā copies are now available and it will be published in early summer. Mom definitely has āmojo storiesā to tellā¦ āĀ Kelly
Janetās Stories
On Mojo
Mojo, I think is energy, that little spark that gets you going. And something that youāre ready to do, but you havenāt started for some unknown reason. And there it is, and it gets you going.
On Womenās Work
Well, of course, Grandma, Pauline, my dadās mom comes to mind. She had 11 children. Eleven! She lived in this tiny little house near Climax, Minnesota. I thought it was a grand house. You walk in the front screen door into the kitchen. There was this huge table because she had all these people that she had to feed. The rest of the house was big ā maybe not big, but to me as a child, it was big.
Grandma Pauline
I really learned a lot from her. I was left there to stay for a while and when I was there, I watched her. Ā She didnāt sit down except with me to hold me in her lap once in a while, or to come out side with me to show me something.
And I thought, wow, she can really keep things together. My Grandpa was sort of frail, bent over and kind of grouchy. But Grandma, he was somebody else that she took care of.
I remember one day in particular. It was raining but he got it in his head that he needed to go outside. So she stopped what she was doing, comes over, puts on his galoshes, his big rubber boots and his old jacket. She puts on a cap and she says, āokay come on, come on.ā She gave him her elbow, led him to the door, opened the door and he went outside.
Grandma was doing it all so calmly. I went to the window and there he is, Ā itās raining, heās sort of hunched over. He walked to the end of the little wooden walk. He stopped, and I saw him look up at the sky, the rain hitting his glasses. He looked down again. And he turned around and he came back to the house. I thought āWell, thatās not much of a walk.ā
He knocked on the door, Grandma, helped him back in, took off the galoshes, the jacket, got him seated at the table. And that was it. Sheās back in the kitchen.
That lesson for me was that it was part of a womanās job to do everything.
I was watching this person do it all. She was taking care of him. She was cooking the dinner. She was baking bread. She was doing everything. And I was I was just amazed, absolutely amazed. She became a very important person in my life. She definitely had Mojo.
Now Iām thinking about my mother and what she did and how much I got from her. She also did it all. But, boom, now I was in the middle of it. I was the oldest child. And I was there with her as she was doing everything.
She was doing it all, but now I was doing part of it. So, I didnāt really look at her as being inspirational until now. Now, I think āBoy, that lady had grit.ā She really did. My dad died when I was 9, my brother and sister behind me, she moved us to Fargo. She had Ā Mojo person.
On the Teachers who Inspired her
You know, Iāve been listening to some of the news that the teachers donāt want to go back in the classroom? Maybe a few, but thatās not generally true. Teachers want to be back there teachers want to teach.
When I was teaching I was laughed at when I said, in the coffee room, āI love this job so much, if I had enough money to live on. I think I do it for nothing..ā
I think my teachers inspired me to be a good teacher. Now when Iām looking back,Ā I think I was a very good teacher. I really do because I did share myself like Dr. Cater did.
Catherine Cater!
I left college to get married, [I was planning on getting my degree so] I took a few courses at NDSU. One of the classes was called Regional Literature taught by Dr. Catherine Cater. Dr. Cater was this wirey little black woman who was, oh my god, she was just so interesting.Ā She shared her own experiences from the South, where she had grown up.
One day, I donāt know why this line keeps coming back to me, but she said āYou canāt tell me that those owners of the plantations didnāt wake up at night and have nightmares about it. You know, they did.āĀ Ā Sheād never been [a slave] herself, but she knew about it. She said, āI know that those white people would wake up at night and have nightmares about it. And thatās whyā she said āour country did what it did. Thatās why they said we canāt do this anymore. This is not right.ā
And oh, gosh, she was such an influence. And the next morning, after she shared this with us, she came into class and she said, āI want to apologize for being such a ham.ā
And I thought oh, āDr. Cater, donāt apologize. That was the best lesson Iāve ever had.ā
My art teacher was another one. My PE teacher was another one. My piano teacher was another one. All of these teachers. Wow. And in high school, my psychology teacher.
And then there was Alice Olsen, my sociology teacher. She had so much energy and pep. What did we learn sociologically? I donāt remember that. I just remember Alice! She just got us interested in reading the newspapers, looking around and finding out whatās going on in Fargo.
IGNORING BRICK WALLS
It wasnāt until the ā70s that women won a legal right to apply for credit cards separate from their husbands. [click to read article]
I was picking out carpet [for our living room in the late ā60s, early 70s]. Iād brought the carpet samples home and I chose the color. It came time to sign the contract, to pay the bill and I was going to put it on a time payment, I believe.
And they said, āyouāre going to have to get your husbandās signature.ā And I asked, āWhy? Iām buying this.ā
And she said, āWell, thatās just the policy of the bank. We need to have his signature.ā Well, I kind of argued with them a little bit. And then I thought, Oh, what the heck, Iāll go get his signature. I know, heāll sign it. Ā And so I did. And then I went back and got the carpet. Ā That angered me.
Even before that, I went to the bank to open a checking account of my own. I know a lot of couples share accounts, and do so very well, I guess. I wanted to have my own. I got a paycheck. I wanted to deposit it. I wanted the checkbook. I wanted to keep track. Ā Dick didnāt like that. He said āThereās no reason to do that. Weāve got a bank account. We donāt need it.ā And I just said āoh yes, we do.ā Ā And I did it. And so I had my own account!
Turning 40 and Getting My Own Car
The MG. Ā My sisterās neighbor had a little MG blue convertible. That was the cutest car youāve ever seen. I saw the for-sale sign for $1200 (a lot of money for me ā for anybody back then I guess) I said āoh gosh Dick, I think Iād really like to buy that MG.
Well, he didnāt say anything. He kind of let me stew, thinking I might forget about it. But I didnāt forget about that car. So one day we were over at my sisterās and he said, āOh, why donāt you go buy it?ā And I thought why donāt I?
So I did! [Laughs] I bought that little car. And I did have fun with it.Ā I felt kind of cocky. And I hate to use that word, but itās sort of like itās sort of like the song [Hey Bobby]. I know who I am. I know where Iām going. I da da da da.
He told me it was ānot a good investment.ā But it was a very good investment. I got exactly what I paid for. Now, that might not be āprofitable,ā but it was, for me, personally profitable.
KellyĀ
What were you investing in?
JanetĀ
My mojo!
On COVID + Dancing in her Kitchen
Discovering who I am is so very important to me, knowing that you will succeed at something if you are focused, and if you believe in it, and you believe the truth of it, you will succeed.
So will I succeed? With COVID, if I had to sit at home and knit and watch TV and read novels, No, I wonāt. Ā I still like to cook and stuff. But thatās not enough. Itās not going to be enough of a focus.
And thatās what pushed me over into really digging into the many, many, many journals that Iāve kept over those decades. And looking at the past, the history of it, and wanting to put it all down. Ā I thought, there are things that I have done in my life that might be helpful to others, to other mothers, young and old. When youāve lived 85 years. Youāve seen a lot.
I wanted to share it. Thatās how I got started.
Kelly
Your book,Ā Dancing in My Kitchens, is at the Advanced Reader stage now. And youāre planning on publishing it in early summer.. Thatās a big milestone for you.
Janet
Yes. But it wonāt be the last one. Knowing it was going to be published, almost took me down into depression again. But no, I couldnāt quite do that.
Then this morning, I woke up and thought Iāve got some ideas here. My Mojo might be fired up again [laughs].
Kelly
So we can expect another book maybe from you.
Janet
Yeah, but it wonāt be research or history or anything personally revealing. Itāll be a novel.
Kelly
Thatās exciting., stay tuned!
More About Beth
Humans historically have gathered in small groups that all know each other well and hold each other accountable and take care of each other. And at least in our country, and in most countries that run in developed society, we now have nuclear families. And if you donāt, youāre an outcast, or you donāt like your nuclear family, and youāre like, well, I guess Iām stuckā¦
More aboutĀ Catherine