Early May 2020 I had the honor of being recognized in the 30 | 30 Project and I talked about being in “The Pause.” I said I was

“digging into my groove at home, breathing through the times of fear and anxiety, and dreaming of the days ahead.”

While I still maintain my sales and marketing contract work, my “creative work” has been life-changing.

My poetic voice was birthed on May 29, 2020. I can remember the moments during the COVID-19 lockdown, Minneapolis protest, evening curfew, and the first hours of my becoming my husband’s post-surgery caregiver. All this drama burst opened a creative source that I had kept tightly closed. I wrote what was to become my first (and possibly) still favorite haiku poem that is “married” to a photograph.

reaching for kindness

love, peace, and understanding

instead of sorrow

Since early June 2020, my haiku writing practice has started early in the day, when the birds start to sing between 5:00 – 6:00 a.m. or even earlier. I ask myself, “What do I see, smell, feel, hear and touch?” I perk up my ears to hear what is happening in the house or outside my window. I focus my eyes on how the sunrise is inspiring me. I create a photograph “in the moment” and then I write …

safe in the bedroom

personal retreat moment

creative thoughts stir

On cold mornings I have the blankets over me from head to toe creating a warm, quiet, retreat space next to my husband as I’m writing poems on my iPhone Notes app. but without disturbing him.

cocooning under

covers ’til fondest verses

rise to the surface

Starting in the morning keeps me open to haiku-writing and photo-making the rest of the day. Since my iPhone is always close at hand I can compose and photograph at any time. The photograph may compliment the poem or, maybe the photograph inspires the poem.

If there have been lessons of gratitude for me during this past year, it’s the gift of discovering written self-expression through haiku and the community of poets I have met as a result. It’s been life-changing and life-saving! I am so very grateful!

no longer empty

full of creative daring

and inspiration

Since May 2020 I’ve written approximately 300 hundred haiku poems (a Japanese short form poem of three lines, 17 syllables) and created almost as many photographs.

Self-published my first photo-poetry book “Forest of One Tree – PhotoPoetry Journal No. 1, 2020 Lockdown

Designed and delivered the workshop “Mindful Creativity in the Time of COVID -19” to be updated for 2021 with modules for mindfulness, photography, and writing exercises.

In process writing volume No. 2 “Blooming Radiance – My Breast Cancer Journal” sharing my journey of 2021’s Invasive Lobular Carcinoma diagnosis, surgery, and radiation treatment (the latter starts June 1, 2021).

Five months into writing volume No. 3 “Haiku, The Story”

You can tell this is a huge leap from simply living, breathing, and existing in “The Pause.” Now I am energized to create new photographs and write new haiku poems, the best of which may eventually be included in an upcoming book or workshop.

I have a creative passion that lights an internal candle every day and for that, I am eternally grateful.

One of my favorite quotes came to me as a freshman in college, sitting in my very first philosophy class. The professor wrote a Latin phrase on the chalkboard that read,

“Cogito Ergo Sum.”

It translates to, “I think, therefore I am.”

The quote is from French philosopher, Rene Descartes.

From the moment I heard the translation, the simplicity of the quote, created a sacred complexity within me, inspiring, at large, most of my personal and professional progression since.

Descartes’ quote is a statement of self assurance in regards to his own existence. It helped him understand that his reality was not an illusion, and that his questions, thoughts, and opinions were real. The concept of his realization is so simple, yet so profound. During times of self discovery and growth, I’ve relied on this quote as a reminder that although my ideas, thoughts, and dreams are only that, I am in fact thinking them, therefore they have the capability to exist.

Learning from Others’ Successes

For so long in life, I followed other people’s narratives. I thought riding the coattails of someone else’s success was my success, as if I wasn’t worthy of more. (Disclaimer: I cannot reiterate enough how wrong I was about this.)

Through two major career changes and starting my own business, I slowly learned these lessons and found myself faced with infinite growth and reminders to continue forging my own path. Just as everything in life has its ebbs and flows, so does your own growth.

It wasn’t until recently that I discovered I was still allowing my ideas and dreams to fall to the wayside. I admittedly was letting myself use other’s models for business, life, and everything in between to rule how I was running my own business and life. The reality was, I realized I wasn’t betting on myself.

Hard Truth

For the last two years, I’ve run a successful social media marketing agency, and loved it. That is until recently. This fall, I swallowed the hard truth that I wasn’t passionate about a career I’d cultivated for myself, a business I built to so I could be fiercely independent, and an industry I was so proud of calling my own.

I had to wave a white flag and call in help. I was so prideful about admitting the fact that my business was no longer my passion, that I had lost my sense of joy for it. It got to the point that I’d forgotten why I owned the business and even started job searching.

Can you even imagine: An entrepreneur hitting the “rock bottom” of updating their resume and searching for jobs.?

It felt like I lost a part of who I am. It felt like grief but with a manic stage mixed into it.  From the overwhelm of over ten other people’s feeds during an election, to surviving a pandemic running primarily small business’s accounts, I was burnt out. I saw other social media managers thriving during this and wondered why I felt this way, yet they didn’t. I compared and contrasted every aspect of my business with theirs and failed to find the missing links, until one day it hit me. My soul was no longer aligned with the career path I thought I was meant for. I realized the idea of being a social media manager had been fed to me for years, and although I loved it and chose to pursue it, it wasn’t truly what I wanted to do.

Changing Direction

Throughout fall + winter, it took me weeks to find the courage to hire an assistant to help dig me out of the overwhelm of work and help clear my plate so I could find clarity for my business. Throughout all of this, I continuously found myself thinking of my favorite quote, “I think therefore I am,” but interpreting it differently this time.

As I gained clarity, I remembered why I started my business in the first place. I began interpreting Descartes’ quote as a reminder that if I can think it, it can be, but I allowed myself to go deeper than that.

I began interpreting it as – if I think of me, what do I see?
What do I feel when I think of myself? How do I want to feel? How do I want my friends and family to feel? What do I want my clients to feel when they hire me? What do I want them to see? What do I want their experience to be? I realized that, if I thought it, I have the divine power to create it.

This quote helped me evolve personally and professionally in quantum leaps and to remember that every “weird” or “uncommon” part of me is actually abundantly aligned with my purpose.

Full Circle

After deep self reflection, grounding, and self care, I found myself coincidentally at a place I tried earlier in my career but didn’t fully pursue: Branding and Web Design. It’s a career I’ve faced time and time again but never had the courage to pursue, constantly doubting my abilities, my eye for design, and my ability to run a business.

After two years of running a successful business, I graciously accepted the challenge and have been happier and more successful since. I realized that after all of these years of thinking I wanted to pursue branding and web design, that a career in those fields did, in fact, exist for me.

Trust

If you’re feeling stuck or are ready for a change, I encourage you to do the same.

Whether it’s this quote or another, find something that reminds you that you are worthy of change and pursuing your desires and dreams.

The fact that you are thinking about them has already kick-started their fruition.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve had to learn is that you absolutely cannot wait and hope for things to happen to you. You must take action. You can journal about your dreams every single day, but if you don’t take one small step in their direction, they will be just that, dreams. Success doesn’t fall into your lap, responsibility does. I invite you to take divine responsibility for your personal and professional growth and follow your dreams.

If you want change, action is required; and if you think it, therefore it is.–

Tana Gygi